#it tried to change pat and pran but no matter what the fundamentals of them and their truths are immoveable

[jemmo]

choosing to believe they're doing a fake-breakup. it wouldnt make sense for their characters but neither does a real one so

ok anon after sleeping on it and finally doing my rewatch (which hurt A LOT, just as much as the first time), ive gotta say i rlly dont know. the preview leaves a lot to be interpreted. everything could be taken at face value and equally be explained away so its a preview i cant really dig into bc i feel like its intention is to send us spiralling into madness.

what i can do is try and gauge the story they're trying to tell knowing now what we got from ep 11 and certain things that'll be said and things we'll see in ep 12. my instant response to that preview upon first watch was what?? no?? thats not it, its not happening, it cant be real. this is all a ruse, its a joke, its fake. but upon my rewatch, contextualising everything through a new lens knowing whats in that preview, i can see the narrative threads coming together. i dont exactly know how to put it into words at the moment bc its all still v fresh and raw, but its like... i see both resignation and defiance if that makes sense??? i see an acknowledgement and acceptance of all the facts plain and simple, both those that are wonderful and beautiful and those that are unfair and hurtful. them running away was always a break to process, never a solution, and thats what they have to do. they have to take it all in and slowly over the ep i do see a coming to terms. but they also come to terms with the extent of their love and commitment.

i've watched some scenes a couple of times, mainly the kiss and the scenes in the bed (not to objectify but bc i think they're honestly beautiful and resonated with me a lot), and upon multiple watches i saw them differently every time. i see it first as what it is simply, an act to reaffirm and express their love. but then i see it as a stolen moment to be that close before everything is torn away. then i see it as as an act of defiance, as in no matter what the world tries to take from them they cant change the fact they've had that, been that close, been together. then i see it as vulnerability, them being in a place, an environment that feels safe for them, being with a person they can trust whole heartedly to bare their soul to. and its a lot more things and i dont know what it meant to them, if it was none of these or all of these, but i guess what im trying to say is that this ep wasn't simply an ode to a relationship destined to be lost. in bittersweetness there's also kind of rebellion, bc bittersweet moments are made when you know you shouldnt do something but do it anyway. in this ep in all its emotional moments i see unbreakable and unparalleled strength. and you can predict from that what you like. you can believe that means they will not break up, they have a plan, they will not let the world separate them again. or you can believe that they break up but that strength will live on and be the life force that pulls them towards the inevitability of them coming back together. im not in the headspace for prediction, but the fact i can see that strength still is enough for me.

and to get back to your ask, i think i ultimately dont know what i 'choose' to believe. a fake break up almost feels too much like a punch in the face, like i dont want this to be solved with more lies and deceit, especially not from pat and pran who have always had that forced on them and vehemently tried to reject it. and it feels like a cop out to have such an emotionally heavy ep and leave us with those crumbs to have it be fake. i know they like to mislead and play us with previews sometimes, but we're at a place where i don't want to play games, not with this much at stake. so i believe its real, bc as much as that hurts, i can see it. i said before id accept a break up if it made narrative sense. and after ep 10 it didnt make narrative sense to me, but i think that was my optimism talking. i believed in that moment that these two boys wanted to take on the world and fight it, but the enemy has always felt too big. its like they saw the monster in the distance and felt strong enough to fight it, but when you're right in front of it and its 10x bigger than you and you're faced with something that feels insurmountable, i just... i dont want them to be blamed for being weak. not everyone can take everything on. theyve both had the weight of the world thrust upon their shoulders for too long and being together only makes the weight heavier in some ways, bc you want to carry it for that other person even if it crushes you. thats a horrid truth, and at some point exhaustion kicks in and you just have to remove yourself. you have to see the world beyond those two houses on that street and realise yes there's places we could be together but that life is more complicated than that, and beyond those houses is also university and work and friends and family and everything else.

thats the thing about love, and specifically pat and pran's love. its always been so self contained for them, and that amplifies that feeling of it being the be all and end all, the feeling its the most important feeling in the world. but from the outside you can never know what its like on the inside. you look at other's love as something simple, small, just another facet of life. we've been allowed inside and we see it for how huge it feels for them, and thats why its hard for us to reconcile with the fact that now they're letting it go for something else. happiness should not have to come at the expense of pain, but sometimes it does, so what do you do?? what do you do when all options lead to hurt?? when the world feels so hostile to everything you are and wanna be, whats the step forward?? whats the sacrifice you have to make?? i think that sacrifice is time. they dont want to sacrifice people, their families or each other, so they sacrifice time, with a belief that time is enough to fix, time can mend, time can reunite as it has before and when it comes, that the best way to defy the world is to not look back on the time lost, but the time you have ahead, where finally the brightness of the future can shine.

(sos this was soooo ranty but this is the first times im putting my thoughts into words and theyre very messy and emotionally charged and my head and heart are fistfighting but yeah... its a lot)